Reality TV has been taking the nation by storm in the past decade. We now have Flavor of Love, Daisy of Love, Rock of Love, I love New York, The Bachelorette, The Bachelor, American Idol, and Survivor: Borneo, Australia, (well pretty much fucking anywhere)… and that’s just to name a few. All pretty good shows, right? Wrong, asshole. When it comes to reality TV, or any TV for that matter, I thirst for something much more badass. Something that isn’t going to make my balls shrivel up just by watching it. (See above)
To start, we should review exactly what a reality television show is. For this, I draw upon the vast intelligence pool that is Encarta.msn.com. According to Encarta, reality tv shows are… “Television programs that present real people in live, though often deliberately manufactured, situations and monitor their emotions and behavior.” That being said, I think it is necessary to take a look at the things that take the REAL and turn it into a dressed up, fake, pussy-footed excuse for a show.
1. First off, the main problem is the incentive of a prize: Prizes discredit potentially badass shows like Hell’s Kitchen and Survivor. Yeah, what the people might endure is difficult, but with such a huge pay off at the end, all you can think of is “why are these pussies crying?” or “If that douche-fag stopped bitching, maybe he could use that energy to win a challenge.” With that type of motivation, when someone does something great, you know that they are only doing it for the money. When someone starts complaining, you really have no sympathy for them. Quite frankly, no one wants a bitchy, lazy, suck-wind that doesn’t do shit and is only in it for the money.
2. Secondly, love attempts: These ruin a show so quickly that it has circled back into the main theme for many of them. Last time I checked, trying to find your match is hard enough, so try getting twenty or so randoms to fight for your love by doing a bunch of dumb shit is clearly building a fail-bot. There is more love between a mentally handicapped person and that doorknob he is fucking. Seriously, stop. Just quit.
3. Lastly, the idea of an ultimate winner amongst a group of people has ruined any sort of cohesiveness and overall interest: With people arguing, f ighting, and breeding unhealthy competition, th only result is nothing but bitching and douche baggery. In reality, I want to see people come together to achieve badass things… not ask for french cries to go with their whiney kit.
Oddly, with these things set in stone, there are still shows that break those molds and successfully root themselves in reality. Incredible situations that are a test to a will of humans. Such a show is “The Colony”.
In a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles, 10 survivors have to find their own water, food, protection and energy. Are there lame challenges to help them out? No. Is there an ultimate winner or a prize at the end? No. Are people trying to win the heart of a fuck head? Definitely no. Their one and only job is to survive… for a staggering 10 weeks. Fucking awesome.
If you have balls, join me Tuesday at 10 p.m. on The Discovery Channel to check it out. The Colony is a great way to coast from the shit you are used to, to the more manly reality shows we love.
P.S. The Colony taught me how to build a Wood Gasifier. Suck it.
Stay Frosty.
~CunkleTron
Not is South Africa? That's a damn shame. I think you can watch a couple episodes online somewhere.
Oh and completely agree about the leeches.
I think reality shows need a bit of spicing up. Kudos to the guys in charge for making things more exciting (prize at the end, challenges etc.). Everyone knows that in reality…(erm)…reality blows, why not throw a bucket of carcinogenic leeches on the contenders to liven things up a bit.
(The colony looks interesting. It isn't showing in South Africa though. Discovery channel here only plays reruns of Mythbusters and Dirty Jobs)
Make it known that those of you that look up the show and feel that the marauder "attacks" are fake, there is justifiable reasoning as to why they react the way they do and are not acting. Talking of the colony of course.
1. They are in an experiment, that at the beginning of which, they were kept up for 30 hours. The show psycologist said (paraphrasing) "When you are immersed into such a well defined world, and on edge, you can take it very literally."
2. Why wouldnt they attack the looters? As far as they know, they are not the only ones in the experiment. They did get joined by four others. Basic logic tells me that there could be other test groups that are taking more straight forward approach to getting what they need: force.
Think it over. And as far as i know, there are now challenges etc. etc. But it is only episode 3 next week.
Stay Frosty.
Yes!